I, as an individual have endured this wounded existence. Abandoned, abused, used by grown men for sex at the young age of 13, and lived with a working/depressed mother. At about the age of 11 I became an addict. First to nicotine, then porn, then marijuana, then meth, food, junk and sugar was; of course, mixed in all along, with things I used to cope (yes, food is just another addiction for some) After miraculously quitting meth in my 20's, alcohol was there to catch me. A woman, just trying to heal the ache and fill the void, while being a wife and mom and woman and lover the best I knew how, never having an example to look at except what Hollywood and the XXX industry was happy to show me.
In the words of one of my favorite Bible teachers; Joyce Meyer, "hurting people, hurt people." And that is the truth, because of these wounds I tend to hurt others unintentionally and unknowingly, until after, then I know and every time it brings it all back around. I also tend to hurt myself with thoughts of worthlessness and beating myself up because the shame will stay if I let it. The shame of abusing my sexuality and opening my eyes to perversity. The damage done to me by all those years of substance abuse. I live in a place where I see them in, men who took advantage of me and my heart looking for acceptance and then left me when they were done. All that effects us in ways we can't imagine. It changes how we see everything. It warps and twists everything all up and it hurts so badly. It's an indescribable pain, the pain of that kind of abandonment and rejection. If it weren't for my husband stepping in when he did and God's grace to help me submit to him and stay under his protection from the young age of 15 there's no telling where I might be today. The more I walk with God the more I see His provision even of the war path.
So what's the solution? What's the way out of this? The solution is The Gospel! Jesus said "I am the way...the truth...the life". John 14:16. No one comes to the Father, but through me. Why do we want to come to the Father? Because HE made us; in His image and likeness Genesis 1:26. He is our source of Life. We fell and that fall separated us from Him; it's called sin. The Bible says whatever is not of faith is sin. Faith is to believe God and when Adam and Eve chose not to listen and didn't believe God when he said "don't do that" well that's when we were separated from the source; the Life Source. We died that day. Don't believe me?
Look around...what we see is the effects of sin. Outwardly and inwardly it's absolutely devastating, like the worst from of cancer there could ever be...sin. But Jesus....I knew and still know this is the answer. The Gospel.
I like to say that the Bible offers the only reasonable explanation for us (humanity's existence) and the mess we see (sickness, pain, war, death, curses). It also explains who God is and what is going to happen. God has a plan. Through all my years of junk and rebellion, I looked at the bible, time and time again, coming back to it and this past three ye
ars I have really been digging in and It's just only grown and fueled my faith and I can tell you that God has rescued us (past tense) when Jesus died on the cross. The Bible teaches that the wages of sin is death, which means eternal separation from God. Everyone will die physically, the real worst kind of death is to be eternally dead, separated from God forever. That's the kind of death that is a result of sin. God rescues us (present tense). Turning to Him in January 2017 was the single most amazing and profound decision I have ever made. He has done a work in me and I am not the same broken woman I was. Now, that being said, I am not like "on top of the world perfectly healed, whole and complete in the natural, what I am NOT ANYMORE is an addict. I have my ups and downs still with decision making and navigating my emotions without numbing them and I am waiting for a time in the future where I will be as steady as the Rock that holds me. What I have is hope...a hope that can't be taken away from me. What I have is Christ in me
the Hope of glory! Colossians 1:27 If you read the bible enough you will begin to see Him, his kindness and his mercy and his love and compassion are beyond anything you can ever imagine or understand, because He is not of this world. Psalm 103 says: Bless the Lord oh my soul, all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all thine iniquities (sin and junk) and heals all thy diseases. Who redeems thy life from destruction and who crowns thee with loving-kindness and tender mercy. That's God and he has replaced my rage and hurt and anger with loving-kindness and tender mercy. My hope is in Christ and what He did for me on the cross, He brought me back to my life source by getting rid of all my sin, the bible says he was wounded for our transgression, and bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of o
ur peace was on Him, all I have to do is believe it John 3:16.
If He wanted to He could end it all right now, and by all; I mean; all life as we know it. He could wipe it all out and start over, just like a human creative has the power to destroy what he has made and start over, or not start over. He doesn't, because He loves us. He has faith what He did for us and that in the end He was have the final say and He will make all things new. The powerful thing here is us, we choose. He wants us to look for Him find Him and choose to love Him. Just like you want a lover to choose you of their own free will so God wants us to choose Him. Despite all the bad; that we see and that we personally sometimes endure, this life; this place; creation; is amazing. We breath and move and walk around with power given to us by Him, weak as we are, in Him we have power to turn and to change and to forgive and love and b
egin again...power to choose to get out from under the curse, and be saved by Him.
There of course was people and a church...the church (body of Christ) involved in my life when I needed so much help and propping up and I am eternally grateful for their help, which in the end I give the glory to God for them to because He sent them. The church is a hospital for the broken...but I'll save that for another post.
My war path was in my wounds and being UNable to understand or help or heal myself and His war path was to take my wounds for me and from me...